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Why We Don’t All Get Along & 4 Ways To Survive!

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Quite simply because we ARE all different!

So here’s a scenario and it’s based upon what someone might say to another “Don’t Take Things So Personally”.

Karen and Joanne have become friends because they share a common interest.

Karen, with her Artemis Goddess/archetype qualities, is an independent character with a tendency to be emotionally distant at times.  This is just the way she is, she concentrates so hard on herself and her own life that she doesn’t always think about the feelings of others.

Joanne on the other hand, has more vulnerable Goddess/archetype qualities and can feel victimised quite easily.  When this emotional distance comes up between these two friends Joanne with her vulnerable archetype may take it personally, feel upset and let down because of what she perceives as Karen’s distance.

What are the Lessons?

We can all get triggered by everyday stories and events when they hold an emotional charge for us and remind us of a previous story, one which we might not even remember happening.   Joanne in this scenario has an old story which is being triggered by Karen’s distance.   When she feels the distance in their relationship it brings up past traumas when she may have felt others did the same and may have let her down.  Whatever emotion is attached to her old stories will come into this one in the present moment.

This will remain the same for her unless she decides to change the charge in these types of stories.

On the other hand the Artemis archetype being totally unaware of the effect she is having just carries on being herself un-knowingly causing her friend upset.

In fact if she did find out she might tell Joanne to “Not Take Things So Personally”.  Red rag to a bull for poor Joanne until she gets rid of her old story!

So what can we do?

Working on our stories and realising why we get triggered brings awareness.  Journaling is a great start and will bring us freedom from our victimhood.   Trying a tool like EFT can  help us take the charge from our stories.

2 Communication is vital in relationships.  If Joanne remains passive aggressive and not assertive, her friend will not be aware there is even an issue.

Be willing to change. If Joanne does pluck up the courage to speak to her Artemis archetype friend Karen, Karen then has a choice.  She can either listen to her friend and appreciate that this is a quality that is part of her make up.  She may feel it is something she may wish to have more control over so as not to upset people or, on the other hand she may go into her more destructive quality of cutting Joanne off, not accepting she has had anything to do with the situation.   In this case Karen has taken it personally and has not owned her own personality traits.

Joanne will have worked on her story too, having taken the first step to talk to her friend and maybe tell her friend she knows she is sensitive and is working on it!

4 Learn compassion and empathy.  This does not mean we have to take on the troubles of others it just means we appreciate that we are not all the same.  Learning not to judge others so quickly without knowing them is growth for our own personalities.

We always have choices and, our choices always have consequences.

If you would like to study more about Goddess archetypes and qualities you can check out my upcoming workshop here.   We can gain a great insight into why people may be the way they are when we learn from the great Goddesses and begin to learn to “Not Take Things So Personally” !

Until next time …. keep the faith,

Dolores Andrew-Gavin, Author, Empowering and Assertive Coach, Energy Worker and Owner of Irishhealthhour.

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It’s a Mindset Thing – 4 Steps To Freedom!

Mindset and being mindful are real buzz words at the moment and in my opinion, rightly so!  Every time I get stopped in my tracks in the middle of a project, a conversation or anything that makes me shrink back into my shell, I know I am getting stuck in my mind!

I teach mindfulness and emotional intelligence to children and it is wonderful to see how they react when they realise that by changing the way they act they can get a better result for themselves!   Children are like sponges and in general until about the age of 11 will gladly participate in cool ways to explore their mind!  

Number 1 for me in relation to mindset is simply awareness.   I am talking a real awareness that it IS a mindset thing.   Just say out loud, or in your head, next time you shrink from something; feel like you are not good enough or decide to give up on a project.   It’s a mindset thing!    That 2 seconds it takes to say this to yourself is enough to stop the mind clatter and to bring you back into the present moment where all the action is happening anyway.    It’s a mindset thing.

Number 2 Name it, if you can!   What is it that is stopping me?   Where is it located … hint can you feel it in your stomach, in your head, in your heart, what does it make you feel like?  Do you feel unworthy, too tired, too overwhelmed, too under educated?    

When you name something, although you limit it somewhat, you get an understanding of what it is you can work on.   Maybe you need a rest, a walk, maybe you need to take a course or maybe you are letting what you think other people think about you fuel your actions!   Even the realisation that you are giving your power away like that may be enough to make you think twice!!!  It’s a mindset thing! 

Number 3 own the story you have now discovered.   You don’t have to tell anyone but just own it or in other words, admit it to yourself.   If you decide to tell someone make that be a decision for yourself.   Bear in mind you may get someone else’s judgement about your story!

When you own the story you are taking your power back over it.   You have confirmed to yourself that it is a mindset thing and you then have the choice to change it!

Number 4 is taking action.    You have become aware of it, named it and owned it, the only thing left to do is take action.  Yes this is the getting out of the comfort zone bit, the pushing through the barriers, the overcoming fears, the putting up boundaries to protect your self worth, developing better self worth and so on.

There are lots of self help tools to help us along the way to taking action.  Here is a complementary lesson on Emotional Freedom Technique, or maybe you would prefer a chakra meditation.   And yes for those of you that know me, there is an oil for that!!!

Until next time … know that it is a mindset thing and mindset things can be changed!

Dolores Andrew-Gavin, Author, Empowerment & Assertive Coach, Energy Therapist & Soul Care Practitioner.

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Feeling Like A Fish Out Of Water .. Is It Time To Plunge Deeper?

Have you ever felt like the odd one out, the fish out of water and all you want to do is get out of that suffocating fish tank where you keep going round and round in circles getting no where?

Our Inner Glass Ceiling

Freedom from that fish tank could be likened to breaking through our own inner glass ceiling that has us stuck doing the same old same old and, thereby manifesting the same old same old.

Where’s the Treasure Chest?

Like any good fish tank there is always a treasure chest somewhere. There is always a glimmer of hope for something better.   Sometimes the treasure chest may seem to be too far below for us to reach or maybe scary sharks surround it.   But remember these are our own beliefs and thoughts about the situation and not necessarily truths.

Inside that treasure chest lie jewels, hidden truths to set us free.   It takes courage to plunge below the safety level and go deep into unknown territory and deeper waters to find what is in there.

The first step to freedom

Courage is certainly the first step to freedom.   Sure it’s scary but so too is a realisation that we are stuck where we are until we decide to change … if we want to change of course!

Like a gold fish going round and round in his fish bowl seemingly doing the same endless circle sometimes we find we need to stop awhile. We need to put the anchor down and assess what is really going on.   We can’t do this with endless going, going and going and endless doing, doing and doing.   We need to stop and take stock of the reality.

Who is holding the key to the treasure chest?

We can tap into our emotions and find out which one is holding us back.   What or who is holding the key?   Maybe a limiting belief that we can’t afford to be what it is we want to be?   Maybe we feel we aren’t tall enough, we are too fat, too thin, too pretty, too plain? Maybe we are judging ourselves by what someone else is saying and doing or by what society tells us.

What will it take to plunge into the unknown and release and let go what is stuck?  

Remember that beliefs, thoughts and emotions are just pieces of energy and energy want to move. Let go the ones that are holding you back!

Emotional Freedom Technique

A great tool to help uncover those stuck gems is tapping or EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).   It gets all that energy moving and allows what is not needed to dissolve.   Click here to learn how to do it.

We don’t have to be stuck going round and round in the glass bowl, we have the power within and already hold the key to the treasure chest. Go on anchor yourself and dive deep to take a peek.

Until next time keep the faith. Dolores Andrew-Gavin, Author, Soul Care Practitioner, doTERRA Wellness Advocate and Energy Therapist.

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Being Authentic with Our Emotional Landscape

When we look at the people around us to fix us it won’t happen.   It’s not their story and it’s not their job.   It is only when we learn to turn the lens within and face the internal landscape that we can begin the wonderful process of transformation. Transformation for our own benefit and to bring us closer to the beauty of our own essence.   Oh sure there will be ruffled feathers and disgruntled onlookers who fear the change may affect them, but what’s the choice stay locked up in the dungeons or break free and let our light shine?

Discovering the emotional landscape of an old story; one that clings like a fly to fly paper can reveal a multitude if we allow ourselves go there.   Learning to process why our story is not being validated or more correctly why we feel like someone is not listening to us.   Do we need to look at the story from a higher perspective?   Maybe we are being too rigid with someone or even ourselves; maybe we need to drop that old story as it no longer stands up to our own scrutiny. Oh what joy that feels like to watch as the old stories fall away and lighten our load!   We may wonder why we held on so tightly to it for so long, but as sure as night turns to day and day to night the natural rhythm will return, it’s just the way it is.  

When we turn the lens within instead of outwards we illuminate the way; our way. We are not accountable to anyone for doing this; just ourselves.   Some of our beliefs may be society’s beliefs; ones that don’t necessarily fit with us anyway!   Being authentic with ourselves even if we start with being “a closet authentic” is a start and a great start, we soon learn we don’t need to hide!!!! Shine the light on what we do believe in rather than what we feel we should believe in, in order to fit in and belong.   We will never have a feeling of belonging to anyone or anything if we are not living an authentic experience.   Being authentic is like a perfectly fitting glove, it just is.  

Having compassion with ourselves while we shine the light within is essential, we don’t give ourselves a hard time for something we did in the past; what’s the point what is done is done. We can learn acceptance of what we did even if it makes our palms sweat to even think about it. The shame or the guilt don’t serve us they just keep us energetically tied to it. Realising that an old story, while it cannot be changed can become an ally; a friend; a learning curve can be life altering.   What did we learn from the old story?   Maybe that we are not perfect?   Excellent!   Maybe we can realise that we had raised the perfectionism bar too high anyway, maybe we did what we did as we thought we had no other choice; maybe we did what we did to survive.   We can shine the light on this story; illuminate the facts, learn acceptance and begin to allow the healing of letting the old story go, while all the time being authentic, having compassion and realising we belong no matter what.

Until next time .. keep the faith,

Dolores Andrew-Gavin, Author, Soul Care Practitioner and EFT Master Practitioner

 

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Embrace The Winds of Personal Change

I laughed yesterday when I was excited to have found the most fabulous jars with sealable lids in a shop, perfect for homemade jams, preserves, dressings etc.  I bought 4 of each size, they were on sale too!  I said to the Sales Assistant “I used to get excited about buying clothes now I get excited about jars, what does that say about me?”  She looked at me and not wanting to hear a negative about myself I said “Actually, don’t say anything”.  But she smiled and said “It’s maturity!”  I smiled and thanked her.     And so it is for me.  I have changed. 

Can you remember what you wanted to be when you were young, I don’t?  I don’t remember my dreams or aspirations and don’t really know if that is sad or just a sign that I now in my dream’s reality!  

But just as our dreams and aspirations change – we let some of them get shattered too sadly – our expectations change, our personal boundaries change.  What may not have bothered us when we were 20 bothers the hell out of us now.  I never really stopped to ask what tree huggers were just believed what I heard that they were all crazy hippies hugging trees, but now I can actually feel the energy emanating from a tree when I am beside it – I have learnt to stop and really feel energy, and it’s amazing!

As for personal boundaries they too change, as we get older we realise that we don’t necessarily have to carry all the emotional baggage dumped on us by people when we were young, carers, parents, siblings, teachers, whomever.   We have the born right to have a happy life and if that means changing our personal boundaries then we can choose to change those boundaries and set them in concrete if that is what we need to do.   This does in no way mean you stop being nice to the people you used to be nice too, it means that you be nice because you want to and not because you always have and it’s just what you have to do.  There is a negative connotation hanging on to that belief and what you are doing, you are not doing in a nice way and for the right reasons.

We can have limiting beliefs too hanging out of us, dragging us down to the bowels of the earth; we do things there again because we feel we have to; well you know something – we don’t have to.  

Whatever you feel you need to change in yourself to be the “yourself” of the now, not the “yourself” of yesterday – change it.   Tear down the walls that you have built around yourself to “protect yourself”.   Stand up for what you belief in.  The walls will come tumbling down themselves when you are being true to yourself, to your heart, to what is right and suits you now, yes now today, the present moment where all is good and can stay good if you choose to let it happen.

Until next time, as always keep the faith …

Dolores Andrew-Gavin, EFT Master Practitioner, Quantum Touch and Reiki Therapist

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It’s all very well to be told you need to be on the right path and to ensure you are living your life purpose but what if you don’t know how to do that or what it means?   What if you are struggling to find your life purpose?

In my opinion it’s all about what feels good inside – knowing what you know.   I completely changed career 3 years ago and when I look back on some of the jobs I held while I freelanced in the “Celtic Tiger” days I know that those experiences brought me to where I am now.. especially the bad ones, the “nasty” people whom I did not know how to handle and let them take my energy from me.   I now realise I attracted them into my life for a reason but luckily I learned my lesson and have let them go.   They are not easy lessons to learn but thankfully I no longer look back with bitterness .. for if I did they would still be taking my energy .. no I look back and thank them as they made me strong.   I only hope they have changed for their own sake!

The best gauge to ensure you are on track is to pay attention to your emotions.  How do you feel in a situation?  If it doesn’t feel right – it probably isn’t.  I am not saying life suddenly becomes a bed of roses when you are on your right path but you get the courage and strength to handle things better.  You make wiser choices and learn to keep your energy  in check, not letting anyone drain you, or if they do knowing how to replenish it.  There are always lessons to be learnt and always junctions to choose a path at.   Our gut instinct, which we all have experienced at some stage, is a fair indicator too, if it feels right – it is!  How many times have we felt like doing something because our instinct told us to and then did not at the last minute and regretted it later.   Our gut instinct is our knowing – it is telling us what we need to know and its our guiding star .. that which shows us the way.   We just need to learn to quite the mind and listen to it.

Fear is one of the biggest hurdles to get over in life and such a huge emotion.   Fear is what keeps us stuck in a violent marriage, a job not suited to us etc.  The fear of moving on, fear of not being good enough, fear of not being able to cope.   Once we can calm our mind and realise this and realise we need to change direction and get out of this viscous fear shaped cycle, we take the first step to get on the right road.

So next time life throws you a hurdle to jump or a junction to choose from take the turn that says “love” instead of the one that says “fear” or even better still right now at this very moment, get off the fear shaped path.  It’s then you will realise what living your life purpose and being on the right road is all about. And remember to follow your heart as then you will discover your true destiny.

Until next time .. Keep the faith,

Dolores Andrew-Gavin, EFT Master Practitioner, Quantum Touch and Reiki Therapist