Children are like sponges everything that they encounter with their senses is a learning experience, they learn that they like certain foods with their taste buds, they learn through a sense of smell to recognise familiar smells and most importantly they learn how to act and react from those around them.
Children that grow up in violent homes or children that are physically or sexually abused can feel rejected and abandoned. They have needs but can gradually become to be aware that there is no one there to tend to their needs, children cry for food and if no one comes they learn to realise .. no one is coming. The feelings they develop because of this becomes their reality. They can go through psychological suffering and when they cannot stand it anymore they sometimes block it out. This is not a conscious decision it is an instinctive mechanism in our brain to deal with overwhelming circumstances. However blocking problems out can cause self sabotaging problems for this child in the future. They may either develop the victim persona – my parents/carers rejected me they were right because I am worthless. This can lead to feelings of guilt and they can go on to develop self esteem issues and sometimes depressive behaviours.
Another survival instinct that can be taken on by a child is to push away whoever it was that hurt them. They are angry with parents/carers and feel that they could not and cannot rely on them and in fact this could manifest as a feeling of not being able to rely on anyone. They often end up with failed relationships. Another negative emotion they learn to feel is guilt – the guilt a child can feel at being angry at their parents – who am I to feel angry at my parents?
Even with less traumatic childhood issues children imitate the behaviours of their parents/carers/teachers/all elders whom they are in contact with – this is how children learn to treat others. If they hear their parents shouting at each other, shouting at their siblings this is what they learn. It becomes a norm for them.
Of course parents can often too have fears – fears that are a part of them from their own childhood. When a parent releases their own fears this opens the gates for tensions to be resolved, new growth and profound healing for both parent and child.
If you are having parenting issues or have blockages from your childhood just know it’s never too late to change and to start the living the life you were meant to live.
Until next week … keep the faith,
Dolores Andrew-Gavin, EFT, Quantum, Touch and Reiki Practitioner